Posts Tagged ‘sexuality’


© 2013 Eliza Murdock


Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year
to all the straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, asexual, questioning,
brown, Asian, black, white, multi-ethnic,
middle-aged, teenaged, old, young,
religious, atheist, agnostic,
people out there!
Sing we joyous all together
Fa la la, la la la, la la la

Except the assholes.


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A response to this post, because No, I am not content to silently disagree: no-homosexuality-is-not-like-left-handedness  I’ll never disable comments, because I welcome differing points of view.  How on earth can we ever grow living in a bubble to ourselves?

The above indicates an opinion that homosexuality is wrong because there is no chance of pregnancy.  I will refute one thing, homosexuals are actually just as capable of producing children, just not with others of the same gender.  However, if the topic of acceptable sex is whether or not children are produced…

So to be barren or post-menopausal is similarly to have no right whatsoever to engage in sexual intercourse since a baby can never be the result.  Just making sure I’m clear on sex and it’s purpose, here.  No children = no sex.  No matter the reason, because sex without children is selfish and wrong and clearly a mental disorder.

Oh, you must similarly abhor birth control of any kind, because that allows for sex without the possibility of procreation.  And of course surgically having your tubes tide or cut (male or female) is akin to choosing to be homosexual because you’re now creating a situation where you are having sex without the possibility of procreation, and should be labeled as having voluntarily adopted a mental disorder.

Every time I have sex with my theoretical future husband, I had damn well sure better be prepared to get pregnant and under no circumstances – no matter how many children we’ve already had or what our financial situation – should I attempt in any way to prevent the possibility of again becoming pregnant, or else I’d just better clamp my legs together and say, “Not tonight, honey, we can’t afford it!”

Because before these pesky homosexuals came along, no heterosexual couple ever dreamed of having sex without having a child.  Yes, it was those homosexuals who corrupted us “straighties” into thinking birth control was ever an acceptable choice.

Though I must wonder, if the only function of sex was to have a child, then why would women who are “legitimately raped” have bodies that could have a way to “shut all that down” and prevent pregnancy?

Clearly there is something *wrong* with women who are raped if they can prevent their own pregnancies.  Right?  Just making sure I understand the whole line of thinking here.  Raped women had damn well better be sure to have that child so it isn’t confused with being selfish or having a mental disorder!

Non-sarcastically now: Sex can create children, yes.  Sex also nurtures intimacy, trust, compassion, mental well-being, stress-reduction, and a host of other things that are beneficial to long-lasting relationships.  Having sex for pleasure is as much about your *partner’s* pleasure as your own, while for some, having children can be an extremely selfish thing to do.

To assume that sex for pleasure always equals selfishness and sex for children is always some selfless higher calling is just plain ignorance at it’s … best? worst?

It’s disturbing that this isn’t obvious to more people.

Really, I don’t think it’s Authority you have a problem with, Matthew.

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Because it seems like a lot of people still don’t understand the word, I’d like to explain.


Gay is *not*:

Stupid, lame, undesirable, effeminate, butch, less than, harmful, something to be feared, a choice, an insult, a burn, a political stance, a religious stance, flamboyance, a style of speech, a manner of walking, hugging your best friend, showing emotion, touching the same gender, experimenting with the same gender, playing with traditionally ‘other’ gendered toys, dressing in traditionally ‘other’ gendered clothing, having a body that does not conform to a socially defined sex, having a mind that does not conform to your biological socially defined sex.


Gay does *not equal*:

Child molester, everyone after a few drinks, gender, sex, harassment, transgendered, transvestite, rape.


Gay means:

A sexual orientation, attraction to the same gender.


Things that can’t be gay:

Music, movies, tv shows, commercials, haircuts, clothes, expressions, school, tests, work, things you don’t like, things you don’t agree with, things, situations (unless there is actual, complicit, desired same-gender activity occurring).


Things that can be gay:

People who are attracted to the same gender, situations where same-gender attraction stuff is going on.  Gay pride parades are, unquestionably, gay.  🙂


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I don’t want to change my name when I get married.

Not out of some feminist stance against male domination, not out of some fight against custom, not out of some desire to constantly correct people who will think me and my future theoretical non-existent husband are not married…

Because I like my name.  It’s the only name I’ve ever had.  It belonged to my father, and he passed it to me, and I don’t want to give it up just cause I’m ‘a girl.’

Okay, so maybe it IS some fight against custom and male domination.  It’s not that I think women change their names *today* because there is some misogynistic conspiracy to keep women down.  I think it is a hold-over from a time when women were property, though.  Just because something is a tradition doesn’t mean we have to follow it.  Even if the meaning behind a custom changes to something neutral or good doesn’t mean I have to follow it now.

Think about it.  A woman used to be her father’s property, until a husband bought her (or was paid to take her, whichever way the dowry went in a particular culture) at which point she was transferred to the ownership of her husband, illustrated through taking his name.

It’s also why I don’t like engagement rings.  Why is a woman marked as his property and taken, but a man isn’t?

This is also why I REALLY. F#*ING. HATE. when people start talking about the ‘traditional definition of marriage’ because the traditional definition was the transfer of ownership from father to husband the valuable property known as ‘woman’ (or girl), and she was marked as his belonging.  That is why women suffer most for things such as family “honour”.  She is not a person, she is a token, a prize.  And more often than not, shared this role with other women for the man’s benefit.

So no, I don’t give a S*%T about the ‘traditional’ definition as something sacred to be protected or defended.  Every generation gets to define the world around itself.  This is how changes happen at all, because one day someone decided something needed to be done, or needed to stop being done, and enough people finally agreed, and they changed it.  So yes, change the definition: marriage is no longer about possession and ownership, it’s about love and commitment, and that is NOT confined to “one woman, one man.”

…where was I?  Oh, right, my name.

So someday I really do want to get married.  Really, I had intended to have done that by now – get married, have some kids, maybe adopt (I’d really love to adopt or foster) – but I haven’t managed to find anyone who is either capable of living with me, or who I’m capable of living with.  I know they’re out there, these compatible people, but they’re sort of like Schrodinger’s Cat: until one is observed, they will exist in a purely theoretical state of simultaneous existence and non-existence.

But when I do get married, I won’t change my name.  I’ve actually had this thought for a long time, but didn’t have the nerve to buck social convention, but it’s my name, dammit, and it’d be my marriage, and it’s ME, and that gives me the right to do it how I want.

Which may just be why I’ve yet to find Mr. Compatible.

Because let’s face it, there’s no such thing as Mr. Perfect and dear god how boring would he be anyway!?  So Mr. Compatible it is.  Or Miss, I suppose, might happen.  I’m not going to close off my options.  That’s a whole level of social upset that I’m happy to fight for, but not necessarily for myself yet.

And yet I still identify as straight, even though I am probably more bi, but really only in a romantic way rather than a sexual way.  That might need its own entry…

So, Washington, and some of you other states who are thinking about it, there’s only a few days left, but you can really make a difference for a lot of couples who desperately need the protection of law for their families.  Vote to allow same-sex couples to get married, k?  It really ISN’T going to hurt anyone to have the same rights most of us already have.

And if you mention “but a child needs a mother *and* a father” bull, I’ll ask why you aren’t out there petitioning to have CPS take all children away from single-parent households since clearly these are not in the best interests of the child, by your own definition.

I think I’ve wandered off-topic again.

No to changing my name.  No to an engagement ring.  I’m not property, you aren’t buying me, branding me, or warning others that I’m ‘taken’.  I’m quite capable of informing people myself if I’m engaged, and if I don’t, then why would you want to marry me anyway?

And I guess I’ll just learn to live with correcting people or explaining myself.  I already do anyway when I have to explain to people I don’t eat pork (no, not for any religious reason) and I’m lactose intolerant, but only a little so long as I don’t have too much dairy or have it too often.

Let’s face it, we live in a world of norms.  That does not make being outside the norm *bad*, it just makes it not assumed, and therefore usually requires at least a very small amount of commentary when interacting with people when these particular un-norms come into play.

It’s why I get upset when people get upset that someone assumed they were something they aren’t when 93% of people are.  Maybe it is tiring to constantly correct people, but it’s to be expected.

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